FF23 film reviews

[Alex J]

The Sacrifice Game

This tale of marauding serial killers starts off pretty brutally, but the tone lightens a little as the story switches to a Catholic school.

There's plenty of fun to be had in this Satanic hellride, including some interesting characters, more gore and arcane lore. Very watchable and one or two sillier bits fail to derail it.

8 / 10

[Whiptail]

Here are my scores and reviews for this years films.

Suitable Flesh: 3/5
Dive: 1/5
Black Mold: 2/5
How To Kill Monsters: 3/5
Werewolf Santa: -1/5
Dr Jekyll: 4.5/5
Cobweb: 4/5
Pandemonium: 2.5/5
Herd: 2.5/5
Thorns: 0/5
Haunted Ulster Live: 3.5/5
River: 4.5/5

Suitable Flesh

Spoiler:

Part Freaky Friday, part Red Shoe Diaries (the bad soft porn series in the early 90's), Suitable Flesh is a mild body horror about someone using the ol' Necronomincon to jump from body to body to live forever. It was cheesy, full of soft core sex, a few good one liners and a good death scene. The serious bits were cool, but the rest was a bit lame. The end was a little too obvious too. It loses serious points for not making more of the fantastic, sexy Graham Skipper! Anyway, 3 out of 5 demonic octopi but should be more for having Graham Skipper

The Dive

Spoiler:

Whilst not the most boring time I've ever spent (I recall Mr Ratcliffes English class) this was reminiscent of watching a mildly interesting colour of paint dry.
Two stupid women get trapped underwater. That's the whole thing. You're given the slightest hint of a personal story between the two, but I didnt care very much about them. It's pretty much just 'is she dead...nope' all the way through.
Has good videography, ok acting and would be ok if you have thassolophobia but it's snoresville for me.
1 actual octopi out of 5 (there were no octopi)

Black Mold

Spoiler:

Black mold is a film where very little actually happens, mostly because it's all in their head. It's a bit of a slow burn, which helps to build likeable and interesting characters, whose potential is wasted as those characters don't develop. The problem that they had at the start didn't get resolved, no one learns and this leads to an ultimately unsatisfactory ending, but good acting. 2 hallucinational scarecrows out of 5

How to Kill Monsters

Spoiler:

The plot was terrible, the acting diabolical, the physical effects were on parr with 80's Dr Who, and the small amount of CGI was worse, which is all why it was actually very good. It's an entertaining, gory, stupid comedy that you can put on and not have to think for the next hour. Especially good with drunk mates.
Certainly not a 'good' film but it manages to pull off the 'so bad it's good' thing.
3 Big Jens out of 5

Werewolf Santa

Spoiler:

The plot was terrible, the acting diabolical, the physical effects were awful and the CGI was worse, but, unlike How to Kill Monsters, Werewolf Santa couldn't pull off the 'so bad it's good' thing. Instead, it's just plain bad. The jokes fall flat, the characters are unlikable and there's more plot holes than actual plot. Watch this if you must, but be totally plastered and high if you do. Plus the strobing lights and camera movement made me feel sick, so be careful there.
0 silver bullets out of 5 (they shot 4 bullets when they only had 3!)

Dr Jekyll

Spoiler:

Although Izzard stole the show, the other actors pulled their weight to create a wonderful, funny, dramatic and creative version of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. No gore, great acting and a nice twist. 4.5 little piggies out of 5.

Cobweb

Spoiler:

A classy, creepy and atmospheric retelling of the usual 'abandoned family member in the walls' trope with a hint of 'imaginary friend who may or may not be imaginary'.
A little slow to start it soon picks up speed and doesn't really slow down. Great use of shadow and darkness with minimal reveal of the titular Cobweb. Gorey towards the end, but mostly a slow building of suspense. 4 smashing pumpkins out of 5.

Pandemonium

Spoiler:

A deep and introspective look into grief, death, and consequences, Pandemonium is more of an anthology than a film. The main film is a Dante's Inferno trip through the process of death and punishment, but then sandwiched in the middle are two separate films. Athough these are good in their own right, they dont really seem as though they belong. The director even admitted that they were short films that had been released in previous years and wedged into this one to make it 'a film'. Sadly, this makes it all feel disjointed and slow followed by a bleak and unsatisfactory ending with no real conclusion. Great acting and great cinematography but felt like a bit of a Frankenstein of a film.
2.5 Rotisserie Sisters out of 5

Herd

Spoiler:

Set against a backdrop of a zombie outbreak, Herd is about a lesbian couple who find themselves trapped in a Mexican standoff between the local militia, the over zealous government and the infected, all wanting to give them a good old homophobic southern hospitality.
It follows the theme that humans are the real villains. The zombies were just a mild story telling device for the main plot of love and narrow minded small town values.
It's a bit of a bland and predictable plot that tried to get away from the zombie by numbers formula, but the acting was ok and had some handsome, chunky, hairy southern boys, of which I'm rather fond of.
2.5 magic whistles out of 5

Thorns

Spoiler:

First off, sorry for anyone that was involved in the making if this film, but I was so looking forward to this film. so Im a little harsh when it comes to reviewing it. Thorns took some of the ideas from Hellraiser, Event Horizon and The Signal blended them all up and made a mess of it all. Then it took a huge hammer named "People arent very nice" and then smashes you over the head with it several times, just to make sure you got the idea. Horrific acting, feeble plot, terrible computer graphics by someone whos never used a computer before and an ending that no one cares about, as by that point you just want the film to end. If I were Doug Bradley, I would be ashamed for being associated with this.
0 mute nuns out of 5

Haunted Ulster: Live

Spoiler:

Staying true to its origins, Haunted Ulster perfectly manages to capture that 1990s television feel. It was fun and tongue in cheek, until the real spooks came out. Then it got very serious, spooky and gave me those same chills I had in 1990 with Ghostwatch when I was 9!
The acting is a bit campy, but then it's supposed to be to capture that 'tv presenter that's not really sure what they're supposed to do' thing.
I think a few of the jokes went over my head, as they were very Irish, but the Irish folk in the audience seemed to approve. I'm also not certain I entirely get the plot either.
Either way, a good solid film if you remember Ghostwatch but might be a bit meh if you don't.
3.5 lay lines out of 5

River

Spoiler:

Well this is bloody charming! Not sure why it was in FF but I'm so glad it was.
Filmed in a beautiful traditional onsen and shrine, River is a sweet, heartwarming and humourous adventure which all happens in two minutes. All the characters are lovely, well rounded and likeable. Although the plot is minimalist and the characters a little too blase about whats happening, all the story lines are happily ever after by the end.
No gore, no swearing, with very minimal violence. Definitely a film for the whole family (if they don't mind subtitles). I loved it! 4.5 magic charms out of 5

[MattP]

My two standouts were The Piper and The Sacrifice Game. The Piper was pretty tame, more geared to a younger audience and pretty formulaic but for all that, I found myself emotionally invested in it. In the case of The Sacrifice Game, it was not the horror elements I responded too Interestingly enough but the friendship that developed between the two leads. Maybe I'm just getting soppy.

[walocka]

Discovery screen 'documentary' based on the screenwriter's remembrance of his bizarre childhood that was made into 80's horror classic Society. ABSOLUTE SCAM of a documentary! It was clearly an embellishment of his family history as he went to hospital with psychological problems. Everything that might of happened is exclusively his own remberance. Then they squeezed in satanic panic , Richard Stanley and even Alan from Frighfest into this. Seems screenwriter is working on new stuff and wants to 'publicise' his past. 0/10, that bad, shouldn't have been at FF. BTW r.i.p.Julian Sands ( he narrated).

[Whiptail]

Did anyone actually go and see the Pigeon Shrine presentation?